It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive, aging woman.
 
My name is Wally. 

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Kim.  When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Kim to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
 

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.  Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.  I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.  I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club and watch the lingerie show, so eating out is not a reasonable solution.  I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
 
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.  But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.  I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves.  I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
 
I think another symptom of aging is complaining.  For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.  But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, right?  So I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean).  I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
 
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.  I try not to make a scene.  I’m a fair man.  I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.  And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
 
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Kim.  I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.  Many men will find it difficult.  Some will find it impossible!  Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.  However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.  After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
 
Signed,
 
Wally
EDITOR’S NOTE:
 
Wally died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Callaway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Kim was arrested and charged with Wally’s demise. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her ¡Not Guilty¢, accepting her defense that Wally somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

The 1st Affair:

A married Man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM ..

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.

‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’

‘You lying bastard!

You’ve been playing golf!’
The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?’

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, ‘Not this time!’
The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

‘I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.’

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

‘I have to show you something you won’t believe,’ he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed, ‘Schwartz is dead?!?!’
 

 
  The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover w hen she heard her husband opening the front door.

‘Hurry,’ she said, ’stand in the corner.’

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

‘Don’t move until I tell you,’ she said. ‘Pretend you’re a statue.’

‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired as he entered the room.

‘Oh it’s a statue.’ she replied. ‘The Smith’s bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.’

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

‘Here,’ he said to the statue, ‘have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith’s and nobody offered me a damned thing.’

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

‘Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.’

‘One Cent?’ the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, ‘How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?’

‘A nickel,’ the barman replied.

‘A nickel?’ exclaimed the man ‘Where’s the guy who owns this place?’

The bartender replied, ‘Upstairs, with my wife.’

The man asked, ‘What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?’

The bartender replied,

‘The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.’
The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, ‘I have something I must confess.’

‘There’s no need to,’ his wife replied.

‘No,’ he insisted, ‘I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!’

‘I know, I know,’ she replied. ‘Now just rest and let the poison work.’

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after jaguars, cougars, mustangs, colts, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘Chrysler Beagle’?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.
8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a ’squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
_________________

A mother stopped by unannounced at her son’s house. She knocked
on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music
was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked.

‘I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,’ the daughter-in-law
answered.

‘But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed.

‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained.

‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’

‘Mike loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained. ‘It excites
him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly
becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.
He can’t get enough of me.’

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed,
showered,put on her best perfume, and dimmed the lights,
put on a romantic CD,laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home.

He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

What are you doing?’ he asked.

‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered, sensually.

‘Needs ironing,’ he said. ‘What’s for dinner?

HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT!

Be careful what you wear (or don’t wear) when working under your vehicle…especially in public.

From the Sydney Morning Herald comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have it break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car, and on closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hands UP his shorts and tucked everything nicely back in place.

On regaining her feet she looked across the hood of the car and found herself staring at her husband who had been standing idly by. The mechanic under the car however, had to have three stitches in his head!